Ugh now I have all these bad feels.  And not angry, but more...apologetic, if that is the right way to put it.   

I don't know. 

Like I should apologize for something.  Maybe for getting so emotional?  But at the same time I'm not sorry about that. 

This would be so much easier if I could just extinguish all my feelings for him, both good and bad. 

I don't know. 

I'll wait to respond, if I decide to at all, until after my session. 

Maybe...I don't know.  Maybe two more months of not talking can get me in a position where I can confront him face-to-face if he is going to homecoming (or Hallowmas, perhaps).  I'm not sure if I'll be in that position, but...maybe.  I'd like to be at that level of okay-ness, truthfully.  

It is just bad that no matter how many times I say goodbye to him and no matter how hard I push him away from me or how loudly I pronounce my hatred of him, it never feels like our story is finished.  I don't know if he feels that way too (and I'm not saying anything in terms of romantic story, but rather just...a story in general; we're just not done with each other), but I imagine he does, considering he was the one to contact me in the first place. 

  

But for now...I want to run away from feels.  

And that means Halo time.