Really, as frustrating as I find it, Halo has become the thing I run to when I want to escape from the world and not think about my problems and not think about people and just...be angry.  I'm allowed to yell and scream at the television about this guy using a bullshit tactic, or that guy not dying when I clearly shot him in the head, etc.  And it clears my mind of everything else.  Of work.  Of the ex and his betrayal.  Of my lack of happiness and desire to disappear from the world.  Everything.

It is nice.

But I also know it is just a way for me to push aside feelings that I need to eventually deal with.  Which I know isn't good, really.

I know I run to games especially when I'm upset as a way to not face them.  I'll rush to play Halo (or some other game, really...Halo is just my game of choice at the moment) after I start crying while on the way home and listening to certain songs, so that I can just...avoid them.  So I can feel nothing, really, for a little bit.  And I know 'nothing' is not a good way to describe what I feel when I play games, but the almost superficial emotions I have - pleased when my team wins, frustration when I'm killed before my opponent, etc. - do not really compare to ones I feel when I'm thinking about other things.

And those...realer emotions, if that makes sense, are sometimes just too fucking much for me to handle.

So instead of trying to deal with them...I run from them temporarily.  And I kill enemy Spartans instead.