Monday, December 9, 2019
Monday, December 2, 2019
I feel weird lately.
I don't know if it is because we've been playing around with my medication in terms of doses, but it is strange.
Previously, I went up on something that sort of caused me to get shaky and tense and I was sort of irritated all the time, so we've gone back down. Then, I guess because my shit has been continually resistant to meds, we went up for my mood stabilizer, and I cannot tell if what I'm feeling now is because of that or because I just am sad about other things.
Really, sad isn't the best word...it's more like an empty feeling. Like I have no real thoughts and they are clouded by a fog that right now is making my head feel heavy. It's odd. I want to do things. I know I have to do things. But I also can't seem to bring myself to do them. Whenever I try I just become weirdly exhausted and then feel like I need to sit down and do nothing for a while. I hate it. I just want to be a normal functioning person. Like...have I just passed into being lazy and I've convinced myself that it is something else? But...I don't want to be and everything seems so...difficult. Tiring.
I know that sounds like I'm whining. It's hard to explain.
But I just am sort of. Blank. With a slight headache that hasn't seemed to go away.
Hell, even though classes were cancelled today (snowstorm) and tomorrow morning, I'm still contemplating cancelling Wednesday if this keeps up. I also have not made questions for Wednesday...it's hard to think of them, especially with a topic I don't know much about (we're doing human rights this week, which is not at all in my area of interest or expertise). And in that situation, I would just ask my leaders to give me what they prepared and basically duplicate their first discussion leader grade, or something. I don't know.
I cannot wait for this semester to be done.
I don't know if it is because we've been playing around with my medication in terms of doses, but it is strange.
Previously, I went up on something that sort of caused me to get shaky and tense and I was sort of irritated all the time, so we've gone back down. Then, I guess because my shit has been continually resistant to meds, we went up for my mood stabilizer, and I cannot tell if what I'm feeling now is because of that or because I just am sad about other things.
Really, sad isn't the best word...it's more like an empty feeling. Like I have no real thoughts and they are clouded by a fog that right now is making my head feel heavy. It's odd. I want to do things. I know I have to do things. But I also can't seem to bring myself to do them. Whenever I try I just become weirdly exhausted and then feel like I need to sit down and do nothing for a while. I hate it. I just want to be a normal functioning person. Like...have I just passed into being lazy and I've convinced myself that it is something else? But...I don't want to be and everything seems so...difficult. Tiring.
I know that sounds like I'm whining. It's hard to explain.
But I just am sort of. Blank. With a slight headache that hasn't seemed to go away.
Hell, even though classes were cancelled today (snowstorm) and tomorrow morning, I'm still contemplating cancelling Wednesday if this keeps up. I also have not made questions for Wednesday...it's hard to think of them, especially with a topic I don't know much about (we're doing human rights this week, which is not at all in my area of interest or expertise). And in that situation, I would just ask my leaders to give me what they prepared and basically duplicate their first discussion leader grade, or something. I don't know.
I cannot wait for this semester to be done.
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