Responses

I keep rereading things, especially my response, and while I don't actually regret responding in such an angry manner...I don't know.  I feel weird.

Truthfully, what I responded to is actually...nice.  He surprised me by saying that there is no excuse for his lying and everything.  I was expecting defensiveness, so not getting that was shocking.  And - although I disagreed and got angry about it - I guess I somewhat appreciate him telling me that any part that thinks lowly of myself is wrong.  Again, while I disagree, I guess that part was nice to hear as well.

The thing that set me off really was him telling me that he was trying to convince himself he was still in love.  Because for the longest time I thought - deep down - that at least we had that.  That maybe things didn't work out because of timing or because of other stuff...but never because of that.  I always thought that he convinced himself that I was worth more and everything, but didn't let me go for so long because he was still in love with me.  So...him saying that shattered this vision of mine.  Although I have said in the past that I didn't think he truly loved me...I don't know.  I always thought that he did, in his own way.  Or...I don't know.

He stayed with me because I was "special," but...I don't feel special.  I don't.  How can I be, when he did everything that he did?  When he stopped being in love with me (or did he even ever?) so easily?

Bah.

Really, I wish I could just forget him.  He is a parasite that sucks the life out of me.