Didn't sleep well at all last night.  I kept waking up and tossing and turning and it probably was because shit that has gone down and my horrendous emotional state and all.

I still don't want to head onto campus today and I also just told the first year that I'm letting stay here for a few days that I would pick her up at 2:20, which might have been a bad idea, considering stuff that we need to do.  Also, since the President is here, roads are probably going to be blocked off and everything so it is most likely going to be incredibly annoying to get to the airport.  But I'm not going to go back on that now.  If I end up having to leave meetings early, I'll just explain why and I'm sure it won't be that big of a deal.

Heh, why the shit did all this crap with him have to happen now, when I'm about to start classes again?

I think the biggest thing that hit me was the whole "I tried to convince myself I was still in love" thing.  That really...really hit me hard.  Because it means that he didn't love me all those times he said he did.  Hence my immediate angry response, which although I maybe should not have done, I am not really sorry about.  He should receive a message like that, where I don't/can't hold back all the emotions and everything.

Even though he messaged me and claims he cares for me and all that crap, I still wonder if he actually cares.  I have no idea what his motivation was for writing to me, and I don't even know if my hurt actually hits him in any way.  I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't, truthfully.  Really, I imagine this was all for personal gain on his part.  I just haven't figured out what the personal gain would be, but I cannot think of him doing something purely for another fucking human being, least of all me.  No.  He's too selfish for that.


I can't stop thinking about what she did wrong to me.
I can't figure out just what I did wrong. 
I'll kill myself thinking about the things that you did to me, Molly Connolly.