I go through these weird emotional roller coasters with him.  Really.  I wish it could just be a steady ride without these odd contradictory feelings all messed up into one thing and everything.  

He messages me, and I want him to go away.  

He tells me he's going to stop again, and I suddenly feel bad and want to keep going.  Because part of me doesn't want him to leave.

Then again, another part of me wants him to disappear. 

Everything is jumbled and strange.

I guess it depends on which emotion is dominant at the time.


This is the first time, though...where I just want both of us to be okay.  No matter what that means.

Maybe if my anger can completely disappear...I don't know.

I know this might be a passing feeling, but...

This is the first time in a while where I have wanted him to be happier.  Even if that is never going to be with me.

That's good, right?

Does it mean I can move past things soon?


I'll wait to talk to Nancy about this.