...Probably should not have responded so quickly.  And while I was typing everything I was shaking.  All it is are things I want to scream.

I do want to scream at him.  I was to scream at him and curse at him and let him actually see the hurt and anger and sadness that is in me as a result of shit that he has done.  Then again, that involves me actually seeing him, and I just have fucking panic attacks from reading his words.

I can't tell if I'm being immature or uninhibited.  Maybe I shouldn't hold back this anger and hurt just because he claims that he is sorry.

I dunno.

It just sucks to hear that he didn't even actually love me towards the end.  Even though he told me the exact opposite way too many times.