Ignore this, since I'm being lame and I don't want this to be as dramatic as it is going to sound and shit.

But sometimes I think about what it would be like to just...crash my car into a wall.  That thought surfaces in my mind a lot while I'm driving, and I know it isn't a good thing, but.  Yeah.

I don't know.

I just want the thoughts and the sadness and the anger to stop, really.

I want to stop thinking about a dumb motherfucker who doesn't deserve my time or my love or my hate or my anything.

I just.  Want things to get better.


I want my puppy.


[Edit] - Just because I don't feel like making a new entry.

But I want to throw up.  I feel so fucking awful and I can't stop thinking about him and shit he's doing now versus things he once told me and all the crap I fell for and wanted to believe and the fact that I wanted him to be so much better than he is and fuck.  And just thinking about him doing shit with his new gf and wanting to be good for her but he didn't want to try for me is just so fucking upsetting because why is she worth it and I fucking wasn't.

Why.  Why am I so worthless and not worth trying for.  I mean, I never made him give up things he loved and never would and everything and I was always so understanding when we were together so why I am so worthless.  Why do I feel so tossed away and so pathetic and just so...

Better yet, why do I still care.  He's a horrible person and a shittastic human being so why do I still care.