I'm still so pleased with this leather jacket and I'm wearing it around today and it is so comfortable and I can't get over how nice it is and it was worth what I spent on it.
Sitting in the intro to American lecture and I'm extremely bored. Plus time is going by really really slow, and it is kind of annoying. I should maybe take this time to grade the rest of the tests (I did the multiple choice, but not the short essays), but I don't really feel like it at the moment.
I have an appointment with the nutritionist today before my regular counseling session, and I kind of don't...want to go? I haven't really been following the plan she set out for me two weeks ago, and that is mostly because I haven't gone food shopping and everything. I was supposed to bring sandwiches in every day, and I haven't been doing that... And I'm supposed to be eating nuts and drinking juice in the morning in order to get some calories in, and just having something to drink in the morning is a hit-or-miss. I had the nuts one day and I couldn't even finish a 100 calorie pack of almonds. (Maybe if I have cashews instead...I like those better than almonds and everything.) And then on days where I have a big (or even just biggish) lunch, I don't want to eat dinner. I had to force myself to eat dinner last night around 9 (though the meal I had for lunch was not particularly large so I don't understand why I wasn't hungry the rest of the day).
I just don't like going to people and reporting that there has been like...no progress. Because there really hasn't been. Which is all on me, I know. I should try harder, but there are days where I just...don't want to. At one point, I even said to Carl, when he was around and I was forcing myself to have something, that eating "is such a chore" and that I just don't want to do it. A lot of times, that is what it is to me. A chore. Something I have to force myself to do. It isn't enjoyable or something I want to do for myself. It is just something that needs to get done.
Really, I wish I did not think about eating in such a fashion, since it is a necessary thing to do.
I mean, I have gotten better than I was a few months ago, and I think my weight has finally stagnated, but I might be wrong. I don't actually know my weight, since last time it was taken it was a blind weighing, so I didn't see what it was.
What's sad is that on days where I probably ate the amount I should be eating, I feel like I ate way too much. One of these past days I felt really gross because I felt as though I ate more than I should have and I shouldn't have had so much in one day. Meanwhile, I probably still had less than I should have? I can't tell anymore. My views on nutrition are so skewed now, since I've been like this for a year now. 1000 calories in a day I know is way less than what I should be having, but anything significantly more than that makes me feel like I had so much food and that I shouldn't eat that much. Plus, the sad thing is that since my caloric intake is so low, people are ignoring what I eat. It isn't what I eat that is the problem, even if it all stuff that is bad for me and everything. No, it is just getting me to eat enough. So therefore, they want me to eat what I like, regardless of how healthy it is. Because I'm more likely to eat things I like.
Meh. We'll see how things go today. I have appointment with nutritionist, and then regular session.
Fun thing though: guy and I were talking (he might actually visit this weekend, so I will postpone again my trip down to UC if he is able to, because I don't know when else he'll be able to come here; I feel bad though, since I keep saying I will visit, and I do really really want to...), and we said that we want to get chocolate bunnies and peeps and then set them up so they are armies against each other. We're going to give the peeps helmets of Hershey kisses and we'll each command an army and do battle. If and when this happens, I will definitely be taking so many pictures.
[Edit] - Back in the office and WHY IS IT ALWAYS SO COLD IN HERE. Even with my jacket it is so cold what the hellllll. ./WHINE.
No comments:
Post a Comment