Sad feels and self-loathing feels and I want them to go away.

I hate that even being at home can't shelter me from them.

I'm really tired.  Even at home.  Even when I'm not at school and working.  I'm always tired.  Caffeine is necessary to just get me through the day without being exhausted every damn minute I'm awake.

Guy is back in the states, it seems.  I'm going to resist any desire to text him, because I'm trying to stop that.  I am not going to run down a dead end road.  Even for friendship.

I don't know why I believe a dog really will help me.  But I still do think that.  But I'm somewhat selfish, and even though he/she will be with me and my friends, I want him/her to be my dog, and to love me the most, and to be most obedient to me and to want to sit with me and everything.  I don't know.  It is selfish, but I want to have that special connection that no one else will have.

Because I'm hoping that special connection will really help me.


Bah.  Sadness might just be linked to tiredness.  Might just put on 30 Rock and try to sleep.