Really, I shouldn't be allowed to be by myself.  Because all I do is think about stuff which I should not think about and obsess over the way that I do and then I make myself upset and sad and mad and even more tired than I always am because it is really kind of exhausting and everything.

I wish I could just...shut off emotions so that I could get work done.  Since McKenna left I haven't really done much of anything, which of course makes me angry at myself, but whatever.  I even wanted to nap, and couldn't fall asleep, even though I am so tired.  I'm tired all the time, and it's really annoying.

That lonely feeling keeps coming back and it is gross and I want it to go away.  Seriously.  As much as I wish I could have someone here to just rest on and allow me to hug them tight and everything...no one is here for me to do that.  And I'm not even saying it needs to be romantic?  But the friend I would want to do that with is in the midwest, so I can't like...call her here and be like "YO, CUDDLE AND WATCH HELL'S KITCHEN WITH ME."  And the friends I have here are all busy and everything so I can't really ask them to come over just because I have lame feels.  As tempted as I am to do just that, they will just say they're busy, and me then telling them I'm feeling sad will make me feel guilty and imposing on them when they're trying to do work and everything.  Besides, their guests might still be around.  I don't know.  

Besides, I really should try to get more stuff done myself, honestly, otherwise I'd ask to skype with a friend.  The review I wanted completed by tonight probably won't be started, but I guess I can at least...get some ideas down and everything.  Maybe I'll go to a professor tomorrow and ask him to help me with it, just to make sure I'm on the right track and everything.

These feels really might be mostly because I'm tired.  I am.  I always am.


I've been looking at leather jackets again and fuck I really want one.

Maybe if I eat and have caffeine these bad feelings will go away?  All I ate today was lunch and although I ate a good chunk of it, I probably should have...something else?  I'm supposed to be eating at least twice a day...

God, eating is such a chore most of the time.  I really just don't want to.

Probably why most of my money goes to eating out: I eat best when I'm with others.