"Are you doing anything tonight?

I'd like to see you."

Sent this to guy and immediately entered into a fit of hysterical sobs.

I'm just thinking about things.  A lot of things.  Seeing things that are parallel and becoming frightened and still just very sad and I'm just scared.

And I don't want to be alone tonight, really.

I would call one of my dudes to hang out so they could help distract me but they both have papers to do and so probably don't want to deal with my feels and Brendan's girlfriend is coming so he especially needs to work before she shows up and she doesn't like me at all so I won't really want to hang out with them later I don't think.  I just don't think I can handle her at the moment, with how I'm feeling.  She's always so mean to me for no reason (I guess just the fact that I'm one of his best friends up here and I am also his future roommate) and I play it off like I don't notice even though I do and it hurts because she's so nice to Carl and I don't know.  I just always feel like I'm a tumor when she's around and I never want to put Brendan in the awful position of ever having to choose between us and if that were ever to happen I know he'll go for her because why would he ever take my side over hers.

Fuck I can't stop crying what the fuck is happening.

I don't know if he'll get back to me, because he also has better things to do than hang out with me so I doubt it, but still.  It'd be nice.

Though I wonder if I let him in, which I've been thinking about doing...if he'll leave.

And even though we haven't hung out recently...I really don't want him to.  I like him too much.  I like him so much that I don't care about the fact that we don't hang out a lot.  When we do it is always wonderful.  He helps me forget about other things.

I really do just want to see him.