When I was falling asleep last night, I guess it was because I was in a weird state of tiredness and also it was way later than I usually go to bed, I was thinking about him and everything, and for one of the first times in a long while, sadness overrode my anger concerning everything. I was just thinking about questions, I guess.
Why did you lie to me over and over again? Was anything you said when you broke up with me actually true? Was anything you said to me when we were together actually true? Was I ever actually your "favourite," or is that just a line you feed to every girl you sleep with? Why did you tell me how much you wanted to only be with me two weeks prior to dumping me, if in the end that wasn't the case?
How could you have done this to me?
How could you do all this (and more) and be okay with it all?
You're so good at this - making people love you and then abandoning them - that I wonder sometimes if you actually enjoy it. If you're actually just really sadistic and enjoy doing this. I hope not, but I do wonder that.
As many questions as I have, actually trying to get answers would require I talk to him again, which I never ever want to do (since I'm pretty sure my hatred would blow out any other feelings and I'd get arrested for punching him in the face). Also, even if I did get answers, I wouldn't believe any of them. I've learned. After far too long, I have learned.
I'm really not feeling too sad at the moment, since I am so excited about going home and seeing people. But, I was...contemplative.
I suppose that is the right word.
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