I had this dream where he was in my class and all I did was be super hostile to him the entire fucking time.  Like whenever he said something I immediately took the counter position and told him that he was "so fucking painfully wrong" and stuff like that.  It was probably a political science class, because I can only imagine, even in dream world, doing that in that subject (though I have no idea why he would be in that class, since he just hated on it all the time, practically).  Plus I remember Carl being there too and he kind of encouraged everything I was doing.  I remember we took a break and I like, moonwalked out of the classroom while giving him two middle fingers.

Basically that dream just reinforced and reminded me of my anger, ha.  Not that I ever forgot about it, but I'm like, "wow, it is really bad still, if I'm dreaming of things like this."

Although I got a decent amount of sleep, and actually overslept a little this morning, I'm still tired.  Not really all too surprised by that, but it is still annoying.

So far I feel zombie-like today.  Much of my waking time so far today has been dedicated to ideation and stuff, which isn't very good, of course.  And I know it is still early, but it is like...I'm already thinking of bad things and I just can't enjoy the day most likely when I think like that right when I get up.

I need to pick an article to review for my Methods class; I'm supposed to have one by tomorrow.  I might ask my professor if I could have until Monday, because I just don't want to do anything?  Even when I do work I feel like I'm just going through the motions more than half the time.

Need to finish my game theory homework tonight too; I did a good chunk of it last night but I'm having trouble figuring out how to add Nature's effect into the normal-form game.  I think it involves multiplying the payoffs of the players by the probability that the game will take that turn via Nature, but since I'm not completely sure, I might want to talk it over with a friend to see what he did.  Our prof never actually taught us how to do this, and the textbook isn't helpful.  Plus, the internet just sends me to extensive-form games, so that doesn't help either.  Bah.  It's annoying.

I've been thinking about guy, a little, and wondering if I should just let go.  Like, if I should stop trying to hang out with him so much and everything.  Not because I don't want to, because I really do, but more because I feel like that desire is more one-sided and everything.  I'm the one to text him and I'm the one to invite him places and it is never really reciprocated.  That makes me sad, because I want and wanted us to be friends but having a one-sided friendship with someone I like a little more than that is really fucking painful and reminds me too much of what has happened in the past and I don't want to have to deal with the disappointment and the pain and the feeling of worthlessness that comes along with that.

But.  I don't know.  Logically it makes sense.  But I still don't want to do it, entirely.

I hope something good happens today to pick up my mood.