Facebook

I really should block his facebook, shouldn't I?  I really should, it would be best.

But knowing me, it would last like...a day before I changed my mind.

What's funny is that I don't feel any missing or longing for him, and I haven't.  I think me learning things is going to really help that go away completely.  Why I went to his page, I really don't know.

But I still...really despise the idea of him with someone else.  Like it makes me sick to my stomach.  I don't know if it is still a jealousy thing, which makes no sense because I loathe him.  Though I guess still the time frame bothers me, but I've already established that he's a liar and a coward and he's so fucking stupid that he's blind to his own betrayal of me.  Seriously, he's kind of really moronic.  Someone so intelligent, and he is just probably one of the dumbest motherfuckers I've ever had the misfortune to meet.

But I digress.

It might also be just that I still get angry that he has someone else?  Like, that shit isn't fair.  He doesn't deserve anyone else.  He deserves to be alone, and to feel such loneliness that I have felt, and probably others have felt as a result of his actions.  Then maybe he would actually change?  But I doubt it.  People like him don't change.  They continue to harp on how they're good people and don't want to hurt people, but continue to act in the same way and continue to hurt and wonder why that happened.

Again, moronic.

The fact that I recognize that he is a grade-A douchebag and is probably one of the worst fucking people I've ever met and see that I deserve someone better than him helps my not missing him, but obviously doesn't help my anger.  Seriously.  It just keeps bubbling up.  One would think that my not talking to him would cause it to weaken, but us not speaking has had the opposite effect.  A very small part of me wonders if it would be better for me to scream at him and to let it all out and tell him to his face just how much I hate him and what he has done to me, but then I remember that in order to do that I'd have to see him.  And fff, I already said I never wanted to see his face again.  And I don't.  But at the same time, I wish I could let him know in person, because my anger and hurt and hatred could be conveyed far better with my voice than I ever could in a letter or whatnot.

But this is just me thinking.

Even if I did do that, he'd probably run into the arms of the new chick, who would probably just say how I ~don't understand~ or something like that.  I don't know; I've never met her, but I'm assuming she would take his side, tell him that he's not awful, that I'm actually the bad guy, etc., etc.  Which isn't her fault, but she also hasn't been hurt by him. (Yet.)

But man, the satisfaction I would receive for being able to tell him all of this in person.

It would be fantastic.

And yet, might not actually relieve my anger.