I ended up popping into my counselor's office today despite not having an appointment, because I've been in a bad place all weekend and everything.  She helped to calm me down and help me think more about things, as she is prone to do.  I'm really glad I dropped in.

I've decided to skip the conference, because I cannot handle that stressful environment with how I've been lately.  I can't handle not sleeping well and I don't want to have a weekend of no eating while I'm trying to fix that (a good note on that front: I brought a sandwich today and ate it after I talked to Nancy and it was very good and now I'm snacking on some cashews also).  I haven't sent the email yet, because although I've written it, I was told I should go back to it later.  Rather than trying to write the perfect email on the first time, I should write it, leave it, and return to it maybe once or twice.  It's that perfectionism; she said she didn't want me to stress out about this either, so...I'm trying to just stay away from it for the time being.

I also told her about my feelings about the suicide, and how I feel that kinship and how I'm afraid of it.  She had me highlight differences as well, rather than just similarities, so that I can see that that path is not something I'm destined to go down.  That I can understand and comprehend why she chose that route, and that scares me, but I should also recognize what isn't common.  She did like that I wrote out a list of things I wanted, because it is a reminder of reasons why I want to keep living.

Something that bothered me this morning was when Brendan told Carl and I that his girlfriend was interviewing for a job in Binghamton.  Just because...what is that going to do with our living situation if she ends up getting the position?  I talked about that too.

Basically, I talked about a lot of things.  I was really lucky that her 1:00 appointment had been cancelled.

I'm still going to see her tomorrow, too, which is good, because I still want to.


I have grading to do, and then I should start my Methods assignment.  Bah.