When I can't actually be there for my best friend when she tells me that a friend of hers from undergrad who she lost contact with just passed away...I know something is really fucking wrong with me.  When all I can manage to say is 'I'm sorry,' and I realize how fake it sounds (despite it being genuine), I just hate myself even more than usual.  

I don't really want to go tomorrow, for several reasons.  I went through why with Nancy, and how I just don't feel up to being at a wedding.  That it is really not something I feel happy about, though I suppose that isn't different from Danielle's.  And I keep getting texts about constructing the maid of honour speech and I just keep ignoring them, honestly.  Because I have nothing in my mind to contribute.  And if I talked now, that would become super apparent.  

Also with Nancy we talked about my latest response to email thread, and what I said.  And the dreams, and what they mean.  Maybe I'll go through that later...

Tired.