Ordinary

I've actually felt overall...good today.  Well, better than usual, which is a step towards good.  I got up, read some stuff, then walked puppies at the shelter, then came back and did some training with Callie and dropped her off to get a bath and everything.  Now I'm reading and listening to Alkaline Trio some more, since I kind of really enjoy them right now.

I'm still trying to figure out what is best for me.  Something that is good for me to remember is that nothing I say needs to be permanent unless I want it to be.  I would just need to let it be known that I'm keeping the door open, no matter if I choose to walk through it or not.  I'm thinking about something in particular, and who knows what would come of it, really.

Part of me wonders if my thinking that maybe we weren't as special as he claims or as I thought previously might help.  Because really, maybe we were special on my end, because I have had only two people where I've had that sort of connection with.  But I can't see how we were special on his end, if he is able to be close to so many others so quickly.   And if we weren't truly special in the way I thought on both ends, then...maybe we just weren't in the way I thought.  We were...ordinary.  He is ordinary.  And I don't want ordinary.

I'm not sure if I'm buying what I'm trying to sell to myself, but I'll see if I can de-tangle the web inside my head and see if it makes sense like I think it should.  This is just the thought progression I'm going through right now to try and help myself make sense of everything that went down.  Because really...I can't imagine him being able to get over me and move on that quickly if we were even half as special as he characterized to me.

I might not completely believe it right now, but...we'll see.