"I don't want you to talk to him."

Although she knows it is my decision, my best friend saying this while pretty much pouting does cause me to think.  I said previously that I would never be able to justify allowing him back into my life (if I ever felt I was able to, realistically) to my friends and family, and I know she especially would not be happy.  And we both know it is up to me, but she thinks he is worse than I do.  And she has every reason to think that.  I spent the summer of my breakup with her constantly, where she heard the lies and she saw the damage.  She was even there for the big "oh my room is just messy" lie, and caught it as a lie immediately.  Later she actually said to me that she wished that she had just pushed open the door because that it what she really wanted to do, just so that I could have seen he was lying at that moment in time.

Really, I know why she doesn't like the idea of us talking at all.  It makes sense.  And she is not alone in that.  My dad hated the idea of him messaging me, convinced of a motive I'm unaware of.  My mom...doesn't know, because I do not think she would take the news well at all.  While he disappointed me, he also disappointed members of my family, especially my parents, who adored him when they first met him and everything.  And they showed it to him in ways his parents never really did me; they let him borrow money, they took us out whenever they was visiting or he was at the house, they told me that he was able to stay over the entire winter break if he felt like he needed to (though he did not stay for reasons).  So his...fall from grace (I'm making this sound like a literary tragedy) kind of smacked them in the face as well.

But among all these reasons - and they are completely valid reasons - I'm still unsure what I should do.  I don't know what is best for me, and I fear falling into a trap again.


Totally unrelated: a neighbour of mine just got a Chesapeake Bay Retriever puppy and oh my god he is so fucking adorable.  I can't with how cute this little guy is hdfjkfhdsj.  Plus Chesapeakes are awesome.  (Even if they make me think of him.)