I've hit a dangerous point, and I've realized I've been at it but...I dunno.

I've hit the, "what the fuck is the point of everything" mode.

Where I'm sitting in workshops listening to people do what I want to do and watching Q&As about stuff I am supposed to care about and all I am thinking is what is the point of this and what is the point of everything I do and I wish I could bounce back and actually care about things again rather than just go through the motions of what is expected of me.  Which is really exhausting, but it is pretty much how I feel and have felt (which is probably incredibly obvious judging from other things I have posted).

I want to care about stuff, but I just don't.  And pretending to care is really tiring, which is probably why, despite getting 10 hours of sleep last night, I feel like I could just lay down and take a three hour nap at least.

I do keep rereading the last few messages in email thread, and even that...I don't know.  I know I care; I care about the outcome and the explanations and how they are constructed and I want more of them (I think; it is hard for me to tell where my limit is with him)...but I don't feel like I really care all that much right now.  And when the one person whose words usually can inflict some sort of emotion in me fails to do that, I know something is really fucking wrong with me.