Feelings

Feelings are really annoying, aren't they?

Really, if I felt nothing, I could both give him what he wanted and not feel any pain anymore.  It'd be a win-win, wouldn't it?

Sometimes I do think that would be the better alternative to this reality of too many feelings.  And I know that when I am with Nancy, we often bring up the fact that a lack of feelings and emotions would be way worse, but sometimes I wonder.

If I could, I would probably eradicate all my feelings for him.  Feelings of love, which still persist through me despite how fucking stupid that sounds and is, and which still make me sad when I see him with others.  Feelings of hate, which consume my very being and cause me more and more pain.  Feelings of longing, which make my body shake and my pulse quicken when I see his name pop up in my inbox.

I would rid myself of these so that I could no longer hurt.  Really, it is kind of sad.

Though while the emotionless would be exhilarating at first, I wonder how long that would last?

Really, I know deep down that a lack of emotions is not the solution to all this (not that it is a realistic one even; even if it would be possible, it would not be a solution).  It just seems like it would be...easier, I suppose.