Everything I do and write is garbage.

Holy hell this is shit.  This is so shitty that I do not even want to reread it.  I don't even know if I want to send it in.  I had this weird crisis that my critique of this guy's theory isn't actually very good, and that severely damaged my writing ability when I was in the middle of my paper.

I do think I'm going to leave it alone now for the time being, and I'm going to try and figure out a better way to say what it is I want to say.  Because...when I articulated the idea to Brendan this morning, it apparently made a lot of sense and everything, but now I just don't know.  I feel like I repeated myself a whole lot and I don't exactly have an example of it or anything because I'm critiquing an economics-type paper.  Probably not the best of ideas, because I know nothing about the economics literature.  I tried to just focus on the rational-choice aspect of it, but...bah, I don't know.  I just don't think it is very good.  I would hate to write something terrible or all over the place as my first paper, especially for this particular professor.

Fuck, I just feel like my overall quality of work has severely declined since last semester and that really upsets me.  I don't know if it is because the summer took an especially hard toll on me to the point where I didn't do half the amount of shit I originally wanted to.  Or if it is that continuing lack of desire to do anything: I am forcing myself to do things even when I have no energy or will to do anything.  Even when all I want to do is lay in bed all day.  Maybe the amount of energy and willpower it takes for me to get up and do shit harms my ability to actually produce a piece of good work.

Self-hating thoughts: engaged.

Ugh, seriously, why do I suck at fucking everything.

Also another Friday-Saturday night spent by myself at home because I don't care enough to get up and actually try and socialize.  Socializing feels like the most fucking tedious thing in the world lately.


One good thing: since it doesn't look like I'll have a test or an assessment of any kind on November 1st, I'm probably going to buy my Hallowmas ticket tomorrow or sometime this week.  My plan is still to return to Binghamton right after the concert ends so I can at least go to class, but...yeah.

Woo Hallowmas.