"Every time I disappoint you, I want to hide in a hole and die of shame, so now I'm going to go bury myself under a pile of books and never come out."
This statement launched a super serious conversation with friend-who-was-formally-known-as-guy, some of which I appreciated, and some of which made me a little...not angry, but...it just gave me some bad feels.
He constantly does this thing where he says that he is definitely going to disappoint me at some point in the future. And while that may be true, I asked him why he said it. He claimed it was to keep expectations low, and I really...was not happy with that. Because, as I told him, that just means that when he does disappoint me, he'll go on about how he warned me and how my expectations of him were too high and so I'll be the one at fault for being sad and disappointed even though all I expected was what I expect out of all my friends and it isn't like I'm expecting the fucking world of them I just want them to be decent people.
It took him all of two seconds to realize this was an ex-related concern.
And although ex has apologized for things and shit, the damage has already been done in that area. My suspicions of everyone have skyrocketed and that suspicious nature of mine probably isn't going to go away anytime soon.
As friend said, the ex, political science, and retail have all severely damaged my faith in humanity.
Maybe one of those can find redemption though.
Maybe.
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