Dream

So another ex-related dream happened last night, which means I obviously need to talk about it.

I was first at this formal thing again, and I was with another one of the Phi Kaps.  Honestly I do not remember who I was with and I think we were going strictly as friends and nothing more and we were both super cool with this.  But I saw the ex there with  his girlfriend and it made me all angry and everything.  There was a slow dance at one point I didn't participate in but they did and it made me pissed off and stuff but we left soon after.

I found out that the ex was doing some performance thing at some club after the formal.  It was actually a magic show.  Why he was doing this, I have no fucking idea.  But I decided to go because I wanted to see him crash and burn.  So we got in there and it was just horrendous.  Like...everything about it was terrible and it pleased me.  He was eventually booed off stage and I remember being super happy because of that and everything.

Then we went to what I think was a Dave and Buster's, and he was there as well.  At some point I went up to him and thanked him for doing so horribly, because watching that train wreck was the highlight of my night and then I cursed him out super fast and walked away.  Then, the Phi Kap I was with asked me why I hated him as much as I did, because he didn't think that the ex was such a bad person.

With the ex within earshot, I started listing things off.  He lied to me when he dumped me, which was a big reason why I was so upset when he went off with other girls so quickly.  Instead of telling me the fucking truth, he hid behind this veil of bullshit and it made me more fucked up in the end.  But that didn't matter, because it was easier for him and saved his feelings more so it was alright for him to do that.  And then I started yelling about how he has a girlfriend now and does all this shit for her, like giving up fighting games and playing in tournaments and everything.

I said that he never would have done that for me.  But then I continued with the fact that I wouldn't want him to.  That those were a part of him and they were important to him and that I had loved the fact that he had such passion for something (he just needed to find a better balance between them and the rest of life).  That giving them up entirely is never what I wanted and never what I would have wanted because they were part of his character.  All I wanted was for him to recognize that they weren't the only important thing in his life, and to not neglect other important things or people in favour of them.

Eventually I woke up.

Still kind of tired, so I might go back to sleep.  I did want to write about this though.  Bleh.