So, I had another dream about the ex. Which is really annoying because I had a good day yesterday and didn't really actively think about him as much as normal, so I don't know why my brain decided to be a fucking scumbag and make me dream about him all night. Seriously brain, why would you do that to me? What, were you like "heh, you had a good day? GOTTA RUIN THAT SHIT THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT." Ugh.
Anyway, it started off me going home and him...being there. For some reason. I really have no idea why. I remember even asking and not really getting an answer? He was dressed like his old self, and his hair was back to the way it used to be, which would have been somewhat of a relief if I wasn't filled with dream-rage just because he was in my goddamn house.
And it was weird, because my parents hate him almost as much (if not as much as) me, but in the dream my dad was kind of okay with him? My mom wasn't, but she didn't say anything to get him out of the house.
I somehow avoided him for a while, until we were just sitting in the den. There was some awkward silence filled with some small talk about grad school. I remember him telling me about how he wasn't doing well, but didn't really blame that on himself? And I kept saying things like he needed to study more and that he shouldn't blame his professors for shit he's not doing and I was just being really short and harsh with every problem he told me about. Finally I couldn't take the small talk anymore and I exploded on him. That was when I asked what the fuck he was doing here and how dare he show his face to me and how dare he come into my home. He started saying that he wanted to see me, and I cut him off and told him that I never wanted to see him again because I hated him with every bone in my body and that he is never going to be able to fix that. That what he did to me caused me so much sadness and pain that there is absolutely nothing he could do to make up for it and make me forgive him.
He started crying and apologizing over and over and got on his knees in front of me and I was very "nope. not having that. Stop it." He tried taking my hands and every time he did I jerked away because I didn't want him touching me.
Things are kind of fuzzy after that, but I'm really displeased that I had a dream about him after such a good day yesterday. It's not fair.
And why did he have to look like his old self. The nerdy punkish dude with longer dark hair. Why'd he have that look and not look like the hipster douchebag he has become. Ugh.
Why, brain. Why'd you have to do that to me.
Today I need to work on my paper more. Joy.
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