I have every right to be angry, and I need to channel that anger in some positive way. Possible ways include working out (when I get my energy back up), writing more, recording myself, and listening to music.
The amount and extent to which I beat myself up is unfair. I have an unattainable and inflexible set of standards for myself that is impossible to achieve.
Not eating is a way of punishing myself, which also is unfair. Since I'm angry at him and myself, but he is not here for me to expel any of my anger on, I internalize it all, and indirectly (and directly) take it out on myself.
There is no way I could have known he would have lied to me and betrayed me. So, there is no way I could have known what to do differently. I'm looking at things retrospectively, which is also unfair to me. I could not have done anything different.
I didn't do anything wrong.
"You need to find reasons to forgive yourself."
Still trying to do this.
These are reminders. I need to repeat them until I believe them truly and completely.
No comments:
Post a Comment