Man, I really hate myself a lot.
Aha, I don't know why that's funny to me.
Because as much as I dislike and loathe some people in my life (/no longer in my life), it doesn't even compare to my feelings about myself.
And then I get mad, because I try. I try to do good and try to recognize when I've made mistakes and wronged people and whatnot. Why do I hate myself more than I hate an asshole who is never going to recognize fully what damage he did to me, for example?
Is it because I still think deep down all that has happened to me has been partially my fault, or something? That maybe I should have known and should have been in control of the situation?
Or maybe there is no reason, really. Maybe I'm just really sick.
I don't know.
It's sad that not knowing something can bring up all this self-loathing. Fuck.
I want a puppy.
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