Ignore this, seriously

Ha.

I'm having like.  A breakdown.

Aha.

I started talking to myself, bringing up feelings of things I should not think about, but think about every goddamn day.  It started off just me rambling to get some stuff out, but then more and more words spilled, until I just couldn't stop.

And when I word vomit, even if it is to myself, oh do I fucking word vomit.

Consistently, I was lied to.  Led on.  Manipulated.  Played with.

And consistently, I made excuses.  I believed every word, while ignoring the advice and pleas from those who actually care about me.  I deteriorated and made myself think that everything would be alright in the end.  I just had to suffer for a little bit.  But then, everything would be alright.

I was still first in mind, and first in heart.  I was convinced of that, and strung along to continue believing that, so that I would remain around.


The greatest mistake I ever made was falling for him.

Was trusting him.


And I hate that I now am distrustful of myself and everyone fucking else because of that.