I'm really not in the mood to work.  Even this supposedly easy Methods homework seems to be giving me more trouble than it probably should, which is really sort of discouraging.  I'm just really out of focus and tired again today, which sucks.

I feel as though I have an abundance of things to say, but don't really have the energy to formulate them into anything substantial right now.

Things are just kind of dancing around in my head, not many good things, mind you, and I'm just drained because of them.  Plus, with Thursday approaching, I'm just getting more and more...anxious isn't the correct word, but sort of?  It's an odd feeling to describe, truthfully.  Most likely I'll have something up that day reflecting on the year and how much it has sucked, aha.

"You're going to be golden eventually."
Another lie, ha.  I specifically remember that line because I wanted to badly to believe it.  But I wanted to believe that actions took were for me, but I've slowly realized that everything he did was completely for his own benefit, and I was convinced it was also for me.  And you know what, maybe he actually convinced himself that he was lying for me, or doing things so that I would be happy again, etc., etc.  But everything he has done has been purely for himself, and not truly for me.

Ugh, why I still become so sad because of someone so selfish, I have no fucking idea.


I'm going to blame this over-abundance of posts about him and about me feeling like this because it will have been a year this Thursday.