MY SHIT SO FAR HAS SIGNIFICANT RESULTS SO YOU CAN SUCK IT FOR THINKING I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO THIS, PROF.

Seriously, I am just kind of astonished that I have results that actually look awesome for what I want, and while they are preliminary and I might need to change my model from OLS to something more of a time-series, I still have credible results that show that I can go somewhere with this.

Roommate agrees that this professor seems to have some grudge against me, so I'm awaiting the potential backlash against this, even though I don't think he realizes exactly how much work I have put into this over the past few days.  When I focus I actually can work relatively quickly.  It is getting the focus which has been difficult for me in the past few years.  I do not need three months to do something.  Seriously.  But he has just been going against every single idea I have and what I have wanted to do and it passed from discouraging to angering and insulting.  But here I have something to go on and I'm not fucking insane and this can actually be a good idea because no one fucking looks at this shit.

So fuck not doing it because you basically don't like me.  Everyone else I have talked to about it is really into this idea and this theory and thinks it is an interesting way to go.

Also I love that this is about a court and yet I was told it was not really about courts but it enough about 'law' to make it acceptable for class.  When I told roommate this, he looked at me and straight up said that his paper is about trade and repression, and he didn't get that line.  So yeah, I think this is just a grudge thing.  Which is annoying, because I think it is my prof being pissed that I haven't given him a draft yet, despite that I specifically told him on the very first day of class that due to my depression I probably would need some extra time on things.  He said that was completely okay, so it is doubly fucking irritating that now it seems like such a big fucking deal.  Part of me has been thinking about asking the chair (whom I am getting close to since he is the foreign policy guy) about advice on how to deal with this, but I don't know.  Bah.

I should finish up this powerpoint, which is on this paper and basically asking for advice and stuff.  It is for my workshop presentation tomorrow, which, hilariously, my prof for this class also said he "wouldn't do."  Despite my feeling discouraged from doing that, I ended up saying 'fuck it' after talking with roommates, and I keep repeating in my head things that Nancy always tells me: that just because some of the profs do and did things one way doesn't mean I need to follow their path.  Instead, I need to forge my own road and find out what is best for me.

And you know what?  This idea is way better than my last one, and I am way happier with it at the moment.