I don't know what is going on with me today, because I am extremely sad and lethargic for no fucking reason.  Though I suppose that really isn't too different from many other days, but maybe it is just because after having a great time last night I've returned to...everything else, and I keep staring at my inbox and the list of all the shit I have yet to do.

Before, I found myself daydreaming about just taking all my money out of my accounts and going somewhere.  I don't know where.  But somewhere.  And running away from everything and everyone.  And while I really would not want to do that to my parents, I just feel like I don't deserve their support or anything lately.  They have done so much for me in my college and graduate career and here I am debating whether or not this is actually what I want anymore and I am floundering under pressure and I have become a person they probably do not recognize and so probably wouldn't mind all that much if I just disappeared.

I don't put any effort into any of my relationships anymore, including with my parents, I'm starting to realize.

And another daydream popped into my head again but that one always accompanies the 'running away from everything' one and it...should be scary to me that it has become so normalized that I barely care about the fact that it is always around.  But it isn't scary to me.  Really, it is once again my constant apathy towards my own health and everything.

What is going on today.  Did my brain decide that I had a deficit of bad feels last night so it had to slam me with extra today?  Seriously.