Today I kind of threw myself into reading because I really did not want to think about things.  I knew that if I started really thinking about stuff for a while I would not be able to finish what I wanted to complete.  So I just kind of...read all day.  Got through a little over 300 pages of reading while taking notes, and took the doggies to the park, cleaned a little, took a shower, ran to Target, cleaned up my computer some by uninstalling various programs and updating my drivers...so yeah.  I was actually productive today.  Which meant I was able to run and hide from my own mental demons and problems.

I did buy a planner while out shopping, as I think that having things written down, rather than just on my phone/google calendar, will help me get things finished.  If I plan out exactly when I would like to have the readings for certain classes done, and when I want papers to be completed by, and when I should write lesson plans, etc., etc., then maybe I'll be able to pencil in more time for my own projects (as I currently have three that I am unfortunately stalling on due to lack of time).  Of course, also, maybe doing this might actually also give me more free time; if I am organized and everything, maybe I can get things done a lot faster and devote a day a week to not doing anything either all day or after a certain time.

Though I say this all now...it might not last.  Really, I would like to keep it up, but mental exhaustion and all that happens.  We will see.  Maybe it will work.  Maybe it will just work for a little bit.  But I am going to try this to see if it helps at all at the very least.

We're having people tomorrow over for superbowl and puppy bowl and I am seriously only interested in the latter because the former is overrated and despite how many times I tried to get into football, I seriously just do not care.  I'll probably be doing work.

My roommate did ask me if I could try to have fun tomorrow, since I once again did not want to talk when he asked me how I was doing.  I did tell him that I was trying to not think about it, and was trying to just immerse myself in other things.  ...I said this as I was furiously scrubbing the stovetop and counters because of reasons.


I hate seeing Valentine's Day stuff now.  Which sucks because I actually was kind of not hating on it so much this year.  I had even found this cute kitten bouquet that I thought would be cute to give former friend-guy because he loves cats and cute things and dhsjhdskaj.  I'm just glad I hadn't ordered it before.

This time of year always sucks.