I'm still feeling terrible and I want to just lay down and watch Archer or South Park or something equivalent but I need to write a reaction paper for IR by noon tomorrow and I still have two papers to read before I can get on that.

And I agreed to go to dinner tonight with the roommates and while it seemed like a good idea at the time I am slightly regretting it/thinking about backing out not because it would not be super fun, but because I am just really tired and still don't feel well and I should focus on work and everything.  (Even though I am writing in here shut up I know it is counterproductive.)

Though steak and fries and blooming onion sounds like it should be delicious.  Om nom.

Still though.

...I am still sad...ish, I guess, today.  Really I'm in this fog of feeling like I can't do shit right and I'm in this weird mood and keep kind of laughing at myself in a depreciating manner because "oh ha it has been two years in a few days since the ex split and you're still not completely over it because you fucking suck at life and should just become a hermit and try harder to rid yourself of all emotional ties and stop attempting to be happy because nope it isn't going to happen because you don't deserve to be because you are terrible and suck and no one would miss you if you were gone and you should just peace out and fuck off."

...Yeah.  That and some semblance of it has been running through my head all day and I have not been able to fight it off so I've succumbed to it and I am aware of how damn annoying it is to people so I've just been saying nothing and going about my business even though I still feel sick and everything too.

I have no idea what to do to make myself happier, I really don't.  Everything I can do seems so tiring and it is bad enough I get speeches about how this time during grad school is "not the time to find yourself" and that I pretty much should only be working, so whenever I do something outside of that I feel super fucking guilty.

I just want to sleep for at least a week or so.  Preferably longer, but a week would be nice.

...I'm going to cuddle with my squishables now.  Because they are cute and my doggie is asleep in her own bed.