This morning, when I was speaking with my dad on the phone about things (he and my mom had a fab time on the cruise and thanked me a lot for finding the flight for them and they said that they had several drinks dedicated to me aha), we started talking a little about my visits with Nancy and everything.  Now, I was in the office, so I didn't want to go into specifics, but at the same time...I wonder if I ever will go into specifics with them.  Really, I kind of want to tell them about everything but...I always choke up because I don't want to make them worry even more than they already do, and so I just don't go into the whole thing.  I don't go into the loneliness, the disconnectedness from everyone and the fact that very little interests me anymore.  I do not go into the emotionless void I am trapped in, with nothing but my own cynicism and self-loathing to keep me company.

Because I don't want them to worry.  And I don't want them to pity me either.

My dad said, after speaking to him a bit about my medication getting refilled, that he is starting to worry about my possible dependence on it.  That he isn't sure because he isn't a doctor or anything, but that is a fear, and truthfully it probably is a legitimate one.  I didn't think, originally, that I'd still be with meds after this much time, and frankly, the idea of not having them kind of freaks me out.  ...Should I be worried about that myself?  I'm not, but maybe I should be?  (There is that dreaded 'should' again...)

...

Got up some courage to respond to some okcupid stuff.  Not everyone, because I don't have that much energy, but some, which I guess is okay.


Also I just realized that converse lets you custom-make sneakers and while I have never worn converse I might want to now just because custom sneakers.  Though I'm aware I have weird taste and probably would be the only one who would wear this kind of stuff.  ...Luckily they are super expensive so that is deterring me from making too many and buying too many.

But here, have some designs.

The last two are my faves.  I think the very last is the one I like the most out of all of them.

...Also I'm aware that the red-black-yellow is my alma mater's colours but shut up I like that combination.