As expected, class was horrendous for me. 

The conversation was just uninteresting and dull, for the most part, and it was like pulling teeth to get anyone to say anything remotely worthy of listening to.  I just kept getting angrier and angrier as time went on, and roommate said that I looked angry the entire time during the class.  At one point, I joked to roommate about how, according to this one author, the tragic flaw of hegemons is hubris, and epic poems could be made about them.  But I said it only to him, and prof snidely told me to "speak up so at least everyone could hear" or something, and I felt like I was in elementary school getting caught passing a note and having to read it out loud to everyone in the class.  And of course, feeling like that made me feel even worse.

Then, we got on economics, and that always produces a lovely discussion.  And by lovely, I mean close-minded and terrible to listen to because people start yelling and interrupting each other and it just is not constructive.  I kept getting annoyed and told a cohortmate to stop interrupting and later to "get off his soapbox please" because he was just ranting on and on and wasn't allowing anyone to talk and it was bothering me.  It kind of reminded me of an article I read about how men are taught that screaming matches and being obnoxiously loud are good debates, while women appear to be more patient (these aren't absolutes), so a debate amongst all women is usually more cordial, even with dissenting opinions. 

And then, of course, I started in on a feminist rant in my head about how I'm tired of listening to mostly white dudes just scream over each other and me having to tell them to not interrupt me or other people and to calm the fuck down.  Seriously, anyone who says men are logical and detached from emotions has not had an intense debate with them, because I find that that is just not true.  And I'm not saying women are more logical; I myself have gotten very emotional in debates and everything.  But saying that men are not just as emotional is annoying.

At one point - it was almost absentmindedly - I took one of my keys and started digging it into my skin because I needed something to distract me from how angry I was.  Which I know is super unhealthy and I should not do that because it is self-harming even if it isn't permanent or really all that bad.  But it was the only way I could not explode at some points.  So that is what I did.

Plus, we went over about 15-20 minutes, so that was awesome also. 

Bah. 

Needless to say, I did not talk very much today.