My session today was filled with me further discussing my lack of connections with people and everything recently.  Also how my constant "shoulds" further my depression and apathy and continue to impose those super harsh perfectionist standards I have on myself.

I talked about how I am both lonely and want to be left alone, and that I just don't feel comfortable around most people, and that I just do not trust them.  That since coming to Binghamton, I really have not found someone like my college roommate or my best friend from home...I have close friends in my roommates here, but my relationship with them is not comparable to my relationship with the former two.  There have been too many times that I've tried to get close to someone and then it blows up in my face, so I'm tired and discouraged and everything.

I am completely aware that many of these issues I've already discussed, but...I dunno.  I guess if it keeps coming up it doesn't matter that I keep talking about it.

...

I was going to write more, but I'm so sleepy that I can't think of more.