Me playing Diablo for a long time while home alone with my pup cuddled up on/next to me on the couch was the best time I've had all week and that is probably not very good.  Because I do that often, at the expense of social interactions.  And it wouldn't matter as much if I at least socialized a little but I don't because I have neither the energy to do so nor care enough to try.

And of course, my roommates are all downstairs having some drinks and chatting and being normal and I am in my bed, sleepy but not actually going to sleep.  Because despite roommate asking me how I'm doing almost every day and me constantly saying I do not want to talk about it, I just feel like an outsider, almost.  Among my closest circle of friends here, and I can't even feel completely comfortable around them anymore.  I am only comfortable on the surface...kind of.  It is weird an I know I am not doing anything to combat that but I guess my defeatist look on relationships has overpowered my desire to feel close to people anymore.  Despite that I do want that; I feel like there is some piece of me that is missing, and I can't figure out how to get it back so I've become accustomed to it being gone.

Once again, as with many times I try to describe how I feel, I have no idea if that makes any sort of sense.

Part of me keeps wondering about making like...an okcupid account or something, but then I think that is really lame and stupid and it isn't like I'd be active on it anyway or anything.  Plus I hear too many horror stories and stuff.