Turkey day was unexciting but fun nonetheless.  Watched movies and talked with people and played with doggies and made doggie sundaes and did not eat as much as everyone else but that is always true.  Plus, something I noticed was that when someone (I don't remember who it was exactly) started poking fun at me for eating so little, and that I should eat more, my mom said that I didn't have to, if I was full and everything.  Which I really appreciated, even if to her it seemed like a small gesture.


When I get back to Bing, I might meet a friend of a friend who is a girl and into the same stuff as me and I'm kind of excited and hope it all works out because I would really like having a girl friend at school and everything.  Yet I'm also nervous because I am awkward and shit always.  But it would be nice if things went well and everything.


Friend-formerly-known-as-guy has been really trying to cheer me up, reminding me that really, no one ever gets closure and everything.  And that sucks but exes being friends usually doesn't work, especially when the relationship was like one the ex and I had.  He then said:

"Allison.  You are hot.  And fun.  And a badass.  ... You deserve to never feel sad again.  So please.  Live your life without him.  ...  And move on to find someone amazing."

There were some other things between those sentences, but...I don't know.  Even though the ex even still says I'm awesome and shit, I just don't see it myself.  And for some reason, the ex saying it makes me feel more like it is not true than when friend says it.  I don't know if it is because ex betrayed me and was able to fall out of love with me easily and everything...or if it just a combination of that and my own self-hate.

He then told me, as the ex said, that I do matter, a lot.  And that so many people like me a lot.

And while the ex has said this, it feels more genuine coming from someone else, for some reason.  Even though I will probably forget it or not believe it pretty quickly.


Tired.  Super tired.