The closer that it gets to eight, the worse I feel.

Really, I just want to play Pokemon and watch tv and go to sleep again, even though I ended up sleeping basically until 1, only getting up to walk Callie.  I took her to the park from 2-3:15ish, and when I came back, everyone was getting into party mode and kind of doing things, so I forced myself to help and to clean the bathroom and my room and some other stuff even though the last thing I want to do is host people tonight.  Really, part of me is thinking about just saying that I'm not feeling well and hiding, but I promised Nancy that I would not do that, because it is my continuing to isolate myself from everything and everyone, which is apparently very concerning.

I just know that in a few hours this place is going to be filled with happy drunk people and I am stuck trying to pretend to want them here and want to hang out with them when in reality I would much rather go off by myself.

(Ha, I should have realized the high from Hallowmas was not going to last through now.)


I also had a dream that I got an email saying that the ex had like...disappeared.  I have no idea what to make of that or how to feel about that.