I get very discouraged and I often want to succumb to terrible fantasies which tell me I should hurt myself. That if he could fall out of love with me so easily, anyone could, and therefore, I should not trust anyone. But he is an asshole. Who lied to me and made me feel special and made me feel loved when I wasn't.
I didn't deserve that. I don't deserve it. Even though a strong voice still tells me I do not matter.
But I matter to this girl right here. And she will be my reason for fighting against those bad thoughts.
I am still incredibly sad right now. I still feel sick and I still am unsatisfied with his explanations and his reasoning, but I will keep looking at her. And I will keep trying to remember that he is a terrible, awful human being who abused my trust and manipulated me throughout everything.
And it is better to be alone than with someone like him.
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