I actually finished and sent in my response paper a few hours ago so I have been able to just relax and play Kingdom Hearts for a while.  While I did grade two papers, and I recognize that I should grade more, I just kind of wanted to play after working so much on Friday and yesterday.  I might start the book I need to read for Wednesday, which should be a quick read since I've read it once before already last semester.  I might also read some more of the self-compassion book, since that is necessary and everything too. 

Though I really would like to keep playing Kingdom Hearts, since I have a feeling I'm close to the end.  Woo.  

Seeing Thor 2 tonight, which should be fun.  I haven't gone to the movies in some time, so this should be good.  

Only thing is that roommate's girlfriend unexpectedly (to me, anyway; other roommate knew about it) showed up yesterday and I was surprised just because she was here last weekend and everything.  I just...bah, I just don't like her so I wish she wasn't coming with us to the movie.  Well, that and also the fact that both my roommates will have their significant others with them and I'll be there with them all fifth-wheel like.  Which is always a hell of a fucking fun time. 

November is always a weird month for me.  

I'm in this weird state that feels like limbo.  Or like a calm before the storm.  I haven't felt really bad, but I also haven't felt really good either.  I feel like I'm...preparing for something terrible.  If that makes sense.  Like I'm not terrible at the moment, but soon that horrible feeling will overwhelm and consume me.  

I would say it is kind of scary, but like always, I just don't really care about it. 

Speaking of not caring about things, I had to force myself to eat since I have not been hungry at all today.  I did eat some lunch and now just ate dinner so I think I'm actually okay on the food front today.  

I just feel like I'm going through motions, and any emotion I express is fake and forced and even if I act happy I don't really feel that way.  

Really, I just feel alone and lonely but I also don't trust people enough to go out and meet them.  Not that anyone should have to deal with me how I am and everything.  No one should have to deal with my apathy and depression and emotionlessness.  

...I didn't mean for this to become self-defeating.