So the amount of self-loathing I feel right now is kind of off the charts and I don't really know what to do. 

What is wrong with me. 

I just don't matter, and I guess that is okay. 

Easily replaceable.  Easy to not love. 

That's okay. 

I realize this sounds melodramatic.  It isn't supposed to, but I know it comes across as that. 

I just wonder if I will overcome fear and guilt enough to do that thing that I think about every day.