It is sometimes weird or difficult to explain my cynicism to people who genuinely still have faith in the overall goodness of humanity.  It makes me feel almost evil, for thinking that way, but I cannot help it.  My lack of trust in other human beings stems from a variety of things: being berated and ridiculed in a retail service job; studying political science, where I have to pay attention to the government and its politicians and I kind of hate a large portion of them; the betrayal of my ex, who I had placed more trust in than any other person (besides members of my immediate family and my best friend from childhood, really) and he took advantage of that trust to continually lie to me.

So I have this view of not wanting to get hurt again; I don't trust people as easily and overall don't think people have very good intentions (with exceptions, of course).  It is just a contrast from how I once thought, really.  But now, even when friends do something suspicious, I immediately think of how they are going to use that to screw me over or shirk on their responsibilities or something.  I rarely give people the benefit of the doubt in my own mind anymore.

It sucks that I have developed this mentality, but it makes sense, really.  To me, it does.  I just do not want to ever be in a position again where I unconditionally trust and that trust is taken advantage of.  I don't.


Streetlight concert tomorrow and I am super excite for it.