For the second week, I have not completed my readings for Congress.  And I am still in the mode of not caring.

Again, in session I discussed this apathy.  How I just don't care.  About anything, really.  Or at least it feels like I don't.  I was told that I actually do have a lot of feelings locked up inside, but it is just...so overwhelming.  That I'm disappointed and hurt and sad and so it makes sense that I have shut down.

That at this rate my going back and forth with the ex might be fueled by a desire to get more feelings out and at him rather than trying to look for an explanation, simply because no explanation he will give will ever satisfy me.

I was asked about my thoughts about the future and about future romances, and how I'm afraid of them.  How I don't trust anyone really anymore.  How I think that if the person who claimed to love me more than anyone he has ever met could leave me and fall out of love with me so quickly, that it means anyone could do the same thing.  And I am afraid of that.

Something is wrong with me.  I am so disconnected.

It has been a long time since I've felt actually happy.

And I was told that I deserve to be happy.

My response was a shrug.