I have been unbelievably exhausted for more than a few days straight, even though the amount that I have been sleeping has not actually changed at all.  My sleep hasn't felt very restful for some time now, and so I constantly wake up tired and go to bed tired and go through the day tired and caffeine isn't exactly helping me that much anymore despite me pumping it into my system.

Probably, it is a combination of work, ex-related things, and the lack of food I've been consuming.  The first two have been kind of causing the third, as usual.  Plus I think the medication has been suppressing any appetite I might have.

My mood hasn't been so depressed, but that emotionless apathy has really come out in full force.  I think the only thing that is keeping my mood from being incredibly sad is the meds, honestly.  Because I'm just tired and worn out.  And even while sitting in on a meeting about applying to jobs overseas, which is something I think I want to do later on in my life, I had that sinking feeling that nothing is going to get better and I am going to constantly feel like there's nothing really to look forward to in my future.

I'm supposed to walk puppies today and I don't think I physically can.  I'm that fucking tired, for some reason.


I have so many things I want to say and no energy whatsoever to write them down or even say them.

Also apologizing for something a billion times doesn't make the feelings of worthlessness, the borderline anorexia, and the suicidal fantasies go away, so I'm not sorry for not exactly accepting them with open goddamn arms.