So I got probably around three hours of sleep last night.

I don't think I actually fell asleep until three, considering what I was thinking about, and I woke up at around 6:30 on my own after having too many fucking dreams about him and I and us and I am exhausted mentally and I don't want to be going to class right now at all.  Really, I just want to play Pokemon, but I have a long as shit day today and everything.

Also, something I didn't address because I focused so much on the "oh it was there and then wasn't" thing: I'm glad that him focusing on himself involved wanting to do better in school and practice more fighting games.  Because a) it was definitely my fault he was fucking up, apparently, and b) it isn't like I forced him to stop playing fighting games.  On the fucking contrary, I let him just play and other than once, I kept my mouth shut.  Because I knew that that stuff was important to him and I wanted him to do what he wanted to do since he was going through down periods in his depression and everything.  The only time I said something about it was when he told me that we could not go out to dinner because he had no money but then he was spending it in tournaments.  I didn't even want him to pay for us going out; I was willing to pay so he could still go to the tournament.  I just wanted to spend a fucking hour with him eating out somewhere.  I didn't think that was too much to fucking ask for.  Besides, once I graduated I wasn't even at school most of the time.  So no shit you can practice as much as you want to.  I'm not there.

But no, our relationship definitely cut into his precious fighting game time, so he had to rid himself of it.  Yeah.   That makes sense.

Fuck I deserved so much more than what he gave to me.