Cold

Holy hell it is freezing in my office and I cannot move because I am having extra office hours for the undergrads soon but holy shit it is cold.

I'm meeting with my doctor today about my status with the medication, and I'm not sure exactly what I should tell him.  I mean...as I've said in some of the previous entries, I don't really feel much of anything most of the time.  The meds I think are preventing me from feeling really terrible, probably, at least.  And it isn't like I haven't felt this emotionlessness before them, I suppose.

Really, I feel things in spurts.  If and when I get emails from the ex, I feel something, for example.  But it eventually goes away.   Quickly, even.  I know that when he does there is something going on because I start shaking and I feel really uncomfortable physically and for a bit I will feel angry and hurt and sad but it passes and I start just...not caring.  It is hard to describe, really.  Because I know I am angry and hurt and disappointed in him (even if I don't feel much) and all that and my not caring has actually translated to me conveying that more in my replies than I was previously, I think.  So in feeling less emotions, I've become more emotional in my writing back to him, which makes no sense whatsoever.  

It is weird to explain.

I just feel very alone.  And broken.  Despite people being around and everything.

It is sad that I legitimately care more about my Pokemon team than I do about doing my own work and everything, really.  (And I use 'care' loosely.)