Lessons Learned

At my session today, I was talking about the dream I had last week and that I think it has to due with my fears of seeing the ex on Thursday.  That it portrayed what I'm afraid of having, except what went through my head while I was asleep was an overreaction.  Obviously.

And I was talking a lot about how I'm afraid of falling into the same patterns I fell into when I was with the ex with someone new.  I don't want to get back to thinking so lowly of myself that I completely devote all of my energy to that other person without getting anything in return from him.  Just so that when I finally deflate and finally start showing how sad I am, he leaves, not wanting to deal with me in the same fashion.  I'm afraid of that happening again; I'm afraid of falling back into old patterns.

So I was advised to write down a list of lessons learned from my past relationship.  Because really...as cliched as it is, retrospect really is a 20/20 lens.  The person I thought was so selfless and perfect was actually miserable and selfish and didn't care to give back to me for all that which I gave to him.  He left with I burnt out and could no longer completely focus on his needs.  When I was so sad that I couldn't bring myself to take care of either one of us...he peaced out.  To find another person to take care of him.  

Looking at it in retrospect really does help me.  It helps me try and think about things for any future possible relationships.  To recognize a healthy relationship and a healthy unselfish person, and not get stuck falling head over heels in love with someone who will take advantage of my love and kindness and leave me rotting alone when I can't do it as easily anymore.

So...some lessons:

- Any person for whom I do a plethora of things but who does not repay me in kind with anything is not worth my help or my love and I should stay away from him.
- A person who refuses or pitches a huge fit when we do something that I would like to do, even though I will go and do things that he likes is a selfish person and I deserve more than that.
- A person who will invalidate my feelings doesn't deserve to know what they are.
- A person who will guilt me into agreeing or doing something that I am uncomfortable with does not truly love me and so doesn't deserve my love in return.
- A person who is not willing to do for me what I do for him...should not be with me.

There might be others when I think of some more, so there may or may not be a part 2 to this.