Emotions are bullshit man

Asking friends for advice on my happy reaction to the news that might possibly be true.

One told me that having those is human, but that it is also really important and really good that I recognized that my happy reaction was probably unhealthy.  That the reasons I gave for being happy were not very good for me mentally, but I recognized that instead of giving excuses for it.  That realizing that is more important than anything.  Possibly, I can stop those emotions because I see that they're unhealthy and the reasons behind them are bullshit.

Another friend told me that those feelings are still understandable because he and I had such a deep bond.  So much so that I still am not completely past it, and that is okay.  That I can feel that way, because he's still not out of my head (/heart, in a way, even though it is hatred...).  (I did tell her that I wish we didn't have that bond - or I least the one-sided one that I had with him, if that makes sense - just so that I would be able to toss him away the same way he did me.  That'd be waaaaaaay fucking easier.)

I told her that...I'm really scared.

I'm scared that despite my hatred for him, I sometimes think he was it.

That I won't have that sort of intense attraction or love for anyone else.

And I know that thinking like that is really fucking stupid.  Because I'm so young and because there is no "one" person who is really right.  I guess.  Statistically anyway.  That shit makes no sense.

But I still find myself with those fears.  Those stupid fucking fears that surface around these times.

Where you can hate "the one" because he is a colossal douchecanoe who betrayed you and caused you so much pain, but you still won't feel any true connection like that again.  (And I know I have liked others, but not in the same way.)

She told me basically that those fears are understandable, but unnecessary.  That there are plenty of others out there, and that the connection will happen again, even if I don't think it will.

And the sad thing is that I know this.  Really, I do.  I know it is stupid to think of him like that and everything.  It makes no sense.  (Really, I shouldn't even worry about this bullshit while I'm trying to get my degree.)

I guess that is where first friend's advice comes in.

Recognizing that it is bullshit can help me stop thinking about things like that, maybe.

Luckily, I don't really...feel anything right now.

Huh.