So...a lot happened today.

I woke up feeling miserable.  Like I was a zombie and nothing could snap me out of it.  I didn't go to the TA lecture, opting instead to sleep a little more and take a shower (which I needed, but really didn't want to take at all).  I had a doctor's appointment at 11:30, in which we agreed to up the dose for one of my meds, considering how I've been feeling lately.  We got to this idea that I'm dealing almost with a disability, especially after I was asked if I think about self-harm and everything.  When I said yes, between serious injury or worse, I kind of shrugged it off as if it was no big deal.  That I'll think about what I can do to myself to make it so that I could take a break - a real break - from things.  The fact that I'm thinking that way (and have been thinking that way; I'm surprised I haven't done anything, honestly) is probably not good, but I spoke as if it was nothing, like it is just a normal part of my life.

Which it is, unfortunately.

But he told me that I could always contact him, because if the thoughts start manifesting into real plans or actions, I'm going to need more help and someone will need to intervene more.

He did say that I'm dealing with a disability, so it is obviously going to be very difficult; it is just much less visible than a physical disability.  Plus, cultural and personal reasons and stuff make it so that I hide things pretty well and stuff to most people who see me.

I did try going to class regardless of how shitty I felt, but I ended up leaving early.

We all learned that apparently, in the second year cohort, all the people who took the IR qualifying failed it, which makes no sense whatsoever and now everyone is (rightly) pissed off.  And us third years are supporting them, because it sounds suspicious, like it was more about some politics than anything else.  But the people they failed probably should not have failed, especially one in particular, who has always done really good work.

Apparently they want to confront people tomorrow, so that should be interesting, especially since one of the people is our MLE prof, and they want to do it during class.  None of it seems to make sense, so I don't blame them whatsoever.

I just feel like this semester has been a clusterfuck and no one knows what is going on or how we are all being evaluated.  And this recent development also has the third years even more freaked out about the written portion of our comps.

Everything is just going to shit lately.